


i just wanted you to know that this is me trying

by pepper_407



Category: Never Have I Ever (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Asexual Ben Gross, Asexual Character, Asexual Devi Vishwakumar, F/M, If you get drawn/written on it also shows up on your soulmate's skin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-11
Updated: 2020-08-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:22:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25844989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pepper_407/pseuds/pepper_407
Summary: Devi has so many feelings about soulmates (and also about everything) and yes they all contradict each other, but isn't that life.
Relationships: Ben Gross/Devi Vishwakumar
Comments: 4
Kudos: 27





	i just wanted you to know that this is me trying

**Author's Note:**

> the title is from this is me trying by taylor swift because that is Such a devi song (also I have been listening to the album when writing ever since it came out)

Devi wrote on her hands and arms always, she was permanently attached to her phone but never thought to jot down project ideas or ways to piss off her parents or schemes to convince her friends to do something she wanted to do. It might have also been because overcompensating, she doesn't have a soulmate, or at least they fucking hate her, they want her to die in a ditch without her ever knowing they exist. Her mum always said she was being over-dramatic and that they probably just had more self-control than she did and then her dad would remind her that he and her mum weren't soulmates and look how in love they were, and then her mum would visibly blush and tell her to go clean her room.

She hates the idea of soulmates and hates the reality but also desperately wished the world had someone made for her and wished that person was here and standing by her side. And yes both of these thoughts contradict themselves but as Hemingway said: _"a sensitive and vulnerable mind that was full of contradictions"_. And yes Devi is a person who quotes famous poets, that's how she rolls.

She had not once brought up soulmates since her dad died, not once. Growing up with her parents not being soulmates is not an abnormal occurrence, it's guaranteed you will meet your soulmate in your life but you have no idea when or if you (or your soulmate) will want to pursue a romantic relationship with each other. So people date and get married, it is a normal thing, but society really does push _soulmate_ down your throat and the fact that her father's soulmate died was something that always annoyed Devi, she liked the idea that they both chose each other despite the whole soulmate ordeal. And yeah she knew that was a selfish way to feel about her father having a dead soulmate, but it always bugged her, like no one had any free will

But now, her dad is dead and her mother is alive and so is her soulmate and Devi had been trying so hard to not think about that fact, but it's hard to not feel like destiny killed her dad and she has never hated the world more.

She had decided that she was smitten with Paxton Hall-Yoshida because obviously she was, he was a handsome older boy who didn't seem to be a complete ass and everyone thought he was hot. And Devi did too, she thought was very handsome but she knows it's not the same way the other girls at school do and that terrifies to her to the core

This year of school was weird and ended with her kissing her soulmate. Which he told her a week after the kiss.

Devi had been in school with Ben Gross for as long as she can remember, and for that entire time they had been enemies, competitors, arch-nemesis (and maybe occasionally frenemies if the situation called for it). And because he was her enemy she knew that he had a soulmate, she could see the almost permanent red skin on his arms showing that he had rubbed off his side of whatever his soulmate had drawn and it infuriated her. But she didn't quite know why, of course, he would erase the messages, why would he want anyone at school to see whatever mess he had on his arms.

She knew that her best friends had somewhat normal soulmate experiences, neither ever really talked to her much about theirs but she sometimes saw little marks and she tried not to care, tried to be pleased that she didn't have the universe intervening on this issue. Because the universe killed her dad didn't it, so why should she want it to have any more input in her life than it already did.

And then she had a strained relationship with her mother and also maybe starts to date Paxton in a way that probably no one else except for herself would describe as dating and she tries to figure out why she doesn't like it as much as she really should. She didn't even really like kissing him, honestly, she prefers hanging out with her friends or getting a good grade on a test or even that UN trip with Ben Freaking Gross.

Oh yeah, Ben Gross who apparently is her soulmate. He was kind of incredible and took her in and looked after her (as much as Devi lets anyone look after her) and took her to the beach where they kissed and it was actually a really nice kiss. And it was nothing like the one with Paxton, almost like Ben understood kissing the same way she did. He kissed like he wanted to be close to her and she suddenly understood that when he tried to kiss her at the party that it wasn't because of being drunk and lusty but because she was kind to him and he cared for her, she understood because it's the exact reason she kissed him at the beach.

After the beach, she told Paxton that she needed to focus on family and then ignored Ben with her entire will. The thing is, he is just as stubborn as she is and he found her with this manic look in his eye and drew on his arm. She then proceeded to lightly hit him and then he told her that he would be here when she wanted to talk about shit.

The way he said it made her laugh because it sounded exactly like something she would say, after laughing she ran and ran and then two months later they were on their first date. Talking about choices and destiny and how soulmates are people who understand you but aren't your be all end all and that you need to work at soulmate relationship (just like every other relationship in your life) and that Ben figured out that they were soulmates only last month because he furiously rubbed off the words before reading them because he couldn't imagine anyone really loving him that much, also if someone was to love him like that he wanted it to be real and not because the universe made them. After he said that Devi gave him a questioning look and he nodded and she gave him a soft kiss and then went to get their drinks. When she came back, they were both smiling shyly at each other. This wasn't the start but it was a beginning, and Devi was ready for it.


End file.
